Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize