farters have to be the big spoon...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
