you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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