Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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