I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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