i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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