it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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