he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
