I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
