wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
