I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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