I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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