he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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