Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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