I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
