Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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