I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
