Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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