So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
