So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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