She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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