So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
