Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Randomize
