hell yes lets make some ravioli
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
