Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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