God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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