We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
