you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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