i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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