I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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