so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
