Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
