They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
