Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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