FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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