dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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