you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
