the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
