Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
