just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
