Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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