I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
