Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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