I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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