Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
