just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you didnt know i had herpes?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
