shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
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