i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
