just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
