PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
