And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
