If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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