I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
