I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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