Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
