Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize