He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
