so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
