The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
