I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
