you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
my poor anus
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You were trust falling into bushes
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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