I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
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She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
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OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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