she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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