What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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