I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
