Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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