Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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