Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i believe in u and ur pee
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