i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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