walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
