My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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