If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
