ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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