There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
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Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
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wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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