Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
