Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
