so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Randomize
