Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
