its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I could fuck to npr.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
