haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
