Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm always down for nudity.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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