haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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