Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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